A few weeks ago, I had the day to myself. A rare thing these days, a chance to reflect, and a reminder of a very similar journey I’ve made in the past.
15 years ago, I spent a month in Goa, and in that time, a lot has changed. To cut a long story short, all the things I yearned for in life: A beautiful wife and family, a fulfilling career, and everything else… it came true! So, what’s the story?
Well, back to the day off…
I was home alone with the whole day to myself, so I decided to do what I always do: Go for a walk! Nothing glamourous or exciting in that, just something I hadn’t really done before, a walk through the pedestrian tunnel into the town of Jarrow. But just like my regular walks to Baga all those years ago, it wasn’t about my location or my destination, it was a chance to reflect.
In Goa, I was at the beginning of a journey. 2005 was a bad year, and its impact right through the 16 years until today has kind of crept under my radar. When I focus on it, there were two things: Redundancy and the death of my Grandparents beforehand. And now, finally, almost at the end of 2021. I can finally put my demons to bed.
When I returned from Goa, I started to gradually piece back together my career and my life, but even at the end of the book’s epilogue, after marriage, children, and what many would describe as a happy, stable, decent standard of living, something was still missing, I still felt frustrated with my achievements and my prospects. I still felt like a failure.
The last 16 years have been an uphill battle, and to engage in that fight without the natural perks of youth and social acceptance on my side made it even tougher. As soon as I had to climb the ladder again, I was instantly out of kilter with both my more accomplished peers and those innocently just starting out without any of my baggage holding them back.
Undeterred, I kept striving for that light at the end of the tunnel, where my core values and desires would finally be quenched, but I felt resistance wherever I ended up, like quicksand as I tried to progress. Maybe I was too eager? too aggressive? too outspoken? too much of a threat? Maybe an older person moving through the ranks just didn’t look right? Whatever the reasons, no one could stop me from learning and building up a skillset to a critical mass that could no longer be ignored. I was chomping at the bit for just one opportunity.
When it came, I knew I had to make sacrifices, so life was temporarily put on hold to get me through one last test and one last interview. This was a leap of faith, out of the comfort zone I’d built up through lockdown. I needed to show them that I was the best candidate more than anything in the world.
So here I am at the end of my 16-year Journey. I can finally say I have accomplished what I set out to, but with room to grow and a like-minded, professional team and organisation. I’m no longer out of sync. I’m no longer in quicksand. I’m no longer a failure. I’m where I always wanted to be.
And now? I can get on with the business of really living again.
Thanks for reading.
Adam.
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