COVID Diary : All for Nothing?

Covid Diary. The Blogging Musician @ adamharkus.com

I’ve hopefully articulated on these pages how tough the last 18 months have been, but a couple of things happened recently that got me thinking: Was the cause really anything to do with COVID after all?

As we approach Freedom Day tomorrow (19th July 2021), and numbers are once again on the increase, have we all but given up on beating COVID? Even the double-jabbed still have to deal with self-isolation and the chaos of school disruption, and now, it seems, our younger generation aren’t as safe as we first thought.

All in all, there’s the sinking feeling that, as we approach another winter, we could be back to square one, only this time our Government has washed it’s hands of it and we’re on our own. Personally? I’m chomping at the bit to start living with COVID.

Lightbulb moments

So what happened? When it comes down to it, there are two things that make up a huge chunk of my existence: Work and Music, and I was unhappy with the way both were going. The problem was, I didn’t realise, and, throughout the pandemic, I, like many others, had the convenience of a global pandemic to blame for all my troubles.

The change came when job opportunities began to materialise, and I got back into the rewarding creativity of songwriting with Harson Robkus. Once I had something to aim for and work towards, I forgot all about COVID and life’s problems in general. Not wishing to sound over-dramatic, but I was all of a sudden dragged out of the darkness.

In other words, I got my mojo back.

COVID, what COVID?

The scientists gave it a good shot, the vaccine rollout was marvellous, the Government blundered about, but, truth be told, today, I’m done with COVID. All the hours spent worrying about the graphs, the infections in schools, furlough, all a waste of time, with my only meaningful contribution being two visits to the vaccination centre. All those feelings of frustration, loss of control, tiredness, despair, failure, all the energy that was sapped, all the plans that got cancelled. COVID was the all-too-easy coward’s excuse, but the reality was, it was all on me.

I just couldn’t be bothered.

Untangling the knots.

Now that’s been established, what of the future? Bring it on! I’m not being a prisoner to COVID anymore. It’s wasted far too much of my time and energy already. I’m actually grateful in a way. It really tested me and gave me the strength to unravel a few of the knots I got myself tangled in.

COVID : All for nothing?

So, coming back full circle, this pandemic has laid me bare, touched a nerve, and, be it out of desperation, frustration or a lack of other options, forced me into making some very drastic changes in my life. For me, COVID was therapy, shining a revealing light on my stuff in the basement, and giving me a kick up the backside.

Nope, it definitely hasn’t all been for nothing. Although COVID isn’t beaten and maybe never will be, that shouldn’t stop us from reaching our full potential with no fears or excuses, should it?


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